Running with Demons
So since me and my best friend went on the splits, working out for me has been a touchy subject. It’s an excuse I know but still working out has always been a solo game but with a friend. I love putting on my headphones and being on the same page as my partner and she, although more and more distracted as time went on was that person. For me it was intimidating going to the gym as a female because I didn’t want to be bothered or get hit on or talked to. I go there to do me and get into my happy place and without her around I felt like why am I even doing this. I knew it was for me but I am a deeply loyal person and even a part I felt like I was still betraying her.
Today I joined a gym for the first time in over 2 years. I have worked out from time to time and even went to an awesome gym with a personal training couple. They were great, the drive not so much. I can’t allot that much time just in driving. I just don’t like to drive what can I say. But joining the gym today and going with my bf made me feel so unbelievably good.
Working out releases so many happy chemicals, creates muscle, helps loose fat, helps the cardiovascular system and so many more benefits. The benefits alone are amazing and can help on all levels of the human existence. It helps people emotionally, physically, even spiritually and energetically. It’s an all encompassing practice that allows you to dive deeper into your body and pull out whatever demon you got going on. That was always the fun part for me. Running with those demons. Nothing like putting in my headphones and breathing as I pumped my legs to the beat. Sweat pouring off me as I ran, always fixated on a point. It use to be a little green light from the treadmill reflecting me in the glass but now at this gym its a water tower. That point is my destination and every step I take pushes me closer to it. I imagine what it would be like to run there, how far it is, what a great adventure it would be. My goal is to run for 2 miles a day again and do isolated 2 days a week with 1 day of doing full body. I miss feeling strong and powerful like I use to and going today made me remember the high of the fight to push for one more rep, 10 more seconds on that plank.
Now if you need a class or someone to train you then I recommend finding a gym with a personal trainer, or maybe a specialty gym like Crossfit. If you feel intimidated bring a friend with you and go at your own pace. In the beginning it’s always hard to be around people feeling so out of shape. That comparison game and those inner demons got you questioning your greatness. But let me tell you if you can just hold out a little longer than everything will be okay. Everyday make it a priority to fight them, you know they are there waiting to bring you down anyways why not play the game and start winning? When working out in the beginning make sure you are working on flexibility and mobility as well, these things are so important because the more rigid or stiff you are the more compensation or likelihood you will get hurt. Taking something like yoga will not only help you become more limber but it will teach you to breath and help you battle those demons as well.
Why is working out a battle? Think of it this way, for every pound of fat you don’t need (because you need some fat on your body) is a moment you allowed yourself to bottle something in, eat something, gave up on yourself, hated on yourself. So those are the demons waiting for you, holding you down, telling you stories that you aren’t worthy, you aren’t good enough, you’re too fat for this, you’re not in shape give up. All those stories that make you want to quit, that make you want to say hey maybe it’s right. But everyday you show up for yourself you push those stories away forming healthy habits with yourself. Everyday you show up is another day closer to loving yourself fully. It’s a deeper groove in that neural pathway leading you to form this habit. Everyday you battle them you get stronger physically, emotionally, energetically until one day they may not make as much noise. Maybe you make friends with them. Maybe instead of a fight it turns into loving it.
And isn’t that what we all want and need anyways, love. Loving what you do, loving who you are is a choice we make but we turn it into this “grand purpose.” Like the lady of the lake comes out and anoints you with loving yourself, loving what you do, loving everything around you with a mighty sword. But that’s not what it’s like, loving yourself and working out is a choice. Everything in your life is a choice, and you can chose not to participate and play the victim or you can chose to be involved and kick ass in all subjects. Your life is no ones responsibility but your own. Not your parents, not your friends, not your coach, not you partners, it is yours. If you chose to sit and do nothing and cave to the demons then that’s your choice. But if you chose to get up and put in the work then you may feel more free then you have in a long time. Like always the choice is up to you. Do you want to live? Or do you want to blame everyone else for your lack of living? Are you committed to live for you and take responsibility?
Today was a 10.