Accept yourself where you are at.
Have you ever restarted something you were once so good at and this time you are rusty, out of practice and just winded after day one? That old comparison game starts to creep in and there you are reminiscing about how good you once were and start bashing yourself for not being at the same level you once were. I know this, I am dealing with this exact thing when it comes to working out. But the thing is it doesn’t have to be pretty, you just have to do it. That is what I tell myself when I am barely surviving a workout.
We all have things we let go of and assume once we go back to it we will be just as good, but if you aren’t using it you lose it. Think about it, do you remember all that high school history or math or everything you went to school for? No, because knowledge needs application in order to be retained, utilized and stored. I don’t remember everything from my neurology classes or massage school, it was a lot of intense information and I didn’t use a lot of it, so going back to it I’m like wow I’m such a beginner. Remember that blog post I wrote about always be the beginner! Yea this is very a big part of this whole acceptance thing. Do you know everything? Does anyone know everything? No, and to demand perfection and 100% retention is just setting you up for failure. It’s okay not to know everything. We are human and the pursuit of knowledge and all it’s applications is what we love the challenge of seeking.
Now it may not be easy to set that ego aside and be okay with this fact. It may be hard to accept where you are at because we always want more, better, growth, give it to me world!! I demand it all. I know I get it, I am always preaching about bettering myself and doing this and sometimes it’s hard to take my own advice. Why? Because it’s hard to see yourself less then were you were. To think about how much time I was going to the gym and working on my nutrition and getting lean but the thing is back then I wasn’t happy. I was seeking something greater for myself, I was trying so hard to fill a void in my life. And I used that as my way to avoid me, to chase my demons, and now when I go to workout I don’t feel the same. I feel as if I am a totally different person and this new person has a whole new mentality but the shame of being in the beginning, feeling so out of shape, gasping for breathe that bully in me likes to come out and turn the workout from something fun into a punishment session.
Do you deal with this? When starting over? Do you feel your own pressure pushing you to quit? Then a vicious cycle begins and you start, stop, start, stop, start and so on. Being in that loop is just creating more of that self loathing, and anger that is pilling up on top of itself. You finally find a negative habit to use to fuel the feelings as to avoid it all together. That new neural pathway now associates that activity with what you once loved to now something to avoid and be afraid of. Can you see how important it is to gain acceptance first before you turn it into a shame cycle?
So how do we learn to accept ourselves where we are at? A few ways, one is be a beginner at everything and be okay with being a beginner. (I wrote a blog about this if you want more in depth check it out. https://www.daretohabit.com/blog/5-things-that-fuck-up-your-mentality) Another way is to stop fighting the current. When we fight the current we lose energy, patience, time, and ourselves. All the while fighting against yourself instead of embracing who you are is like living a lie everyday.
A great book that I highly recommend is the 4 agreements. It speaks about this very thing and is a great guide for you to gain acceptance. Learning to gain acceptance where we are at will allow us to get further ahead. In the beginning of this move I thought about all the things I had to do. I stressed myself out so much that now I am run down and in need of sleep. I tried rushing things along but that only led me to more frustration. It wasn’t until I accepted things where they were that I stopped fighting the current. I couldn’t get things done faster, I couldn’t get approvals or permits done by willing it. I had to be patient and accept that I was not in control of any of it.
When I did this I was finally able to relax and let go. Now there is still a lot that needs to be done before my big move but the thing is I don’t care. Not because I am not losing interest, but because me freaking out for the past 2 months has put so much stress on my body that I am adrenally fatigued. I exhausted my reservoirs and did anything get done faster or better? No. Once I gave up and surrendered that is when I gain acceptance of where I am at.
Surrender to this rush and impatience you are putting yourself through. Let go of this need to control everything and begin right now knowing everything will work out. You don’t have to kill yourself to get to your goals right away, you just need to chip away at them baby step by baby step. If you start something over know it’s okay that you aren’t as good, and you will get better only by showing the fuck up and being consistent. No matter what the bully says, no matter the doubts and the fears, you have to just know that where you are at right now is where you are suppose to be.
I needed to learn so much before I committed to the gym, I needed to learn how to love myself and become consistent so that it wasn’t a place for me to just fill a void. I needed to do the work in order to come back, sure less strong and a shit bag of endurance but I needed space so I could grow. They say everything happens for a reason and I believe that. Our lives happen precisely when we mean for them to happen. If you can’t accept yourself now, then doing the work may open you up to understand why.
We are in control of us and us alone. Our emotions, our actions, our feelings, that’s it. When we learn to be in control of those that is when we can accept where we are at. So do the work. Otherwise you won’t ever get out of where you are right now. Figure yourself out, resolve your past and trauma, it will allow you to take steps right now. It’s why I finally committed to investing in myself. You can too!
Today was 5. Exhaustion.